Why is it so difficult for me to always just flow with the stream of whatever is happening around me? Where does the resistance root? And why?
It is dawning on me that Creative Practice may be less about taking photographs and writing, and more about mindfully noticing, and releasing, the wounds that have rooted within over the passage of Time.
Moving from reaCtive to Creative may begin by choosing where I place the C (as in ‘see’ – mindful attention).
At the water’s edge, I reflect on what I’ve observed about my behaviour this past week; specifically, when things shifted from flow to discomfort or deterioration. Where did the cause root?
I feel purpose-full when assisting and supporting the dreams, goals and needs of others. Professionally and personally, I feel significant when I’ve made a valuable contribution to the life of another.
I’m noticing, though, that the flow I experience when serving in this way eventually meets with a ‘block’; thoughts of ‘disrespect’ and ‘being taken for granted’.
I experience the ‘disrespect’ as a disregard for my time, a lack of care for what may matter or be needed by me, and a lack of appreciation for what was sacrificed or left behind as a result of all focus upon ‘the others’. Similarly, ‘being taken for granted’ is experienced as the needs and goals of others are naturally always assumed to be more important than my own.
So the root, perhaps – the wound deep inside whose hurt floats up to the surface time after time – may be Resentment.
In this space where the breeze blows, birds chirp and ripples whisper, I wonder – Why? Why do I shift from a sense of significant Purpose to unappreciated Resentment when it seems the only thing that actually changes is the way I choose to think about what is taking place?
You are constantly trying to stay within your comfort zone … in truth, the confines of your comfort zone … doesn’t limit the body; it limits the expanse of your consciousness.
I started this reflection earlier this morning. As I finished writing the quote above, I was interrupted by someone who felt a need of their own mattered more than me ‘just writing in a journal’. I put down my pen and offered by assistance.
My day, as I planned it, was upended further by three requests/needs that would mean it would be hours before I would return to my journal reflection. (In fact, it was 5 hours before I was able to return.)
In this time, it struck me that what I was experiencing as ‘interruption’ and ‘disregard for my time/needs’ may actually be the Universe’s way of saying, “your way of moving to new levels of enlightenment simply isn’t working. Stop trying to protect your time for what you feel matters right now. These interruptions and requests – THEY are the gifts you keep waiting for. Your ability to respond to them with Grace rather than Resentment will lead you to where you need to go, where you desire to Be.”
This insight took me by surprise and completely shifted my day. My thoughts of how my day should unfold were preventing me from experiencing, leaning into, and showing up fully in how the day was actually unfolding.
The day is the day. My thoughts and expectations were determining how I would experience the day; with Wonder, Gratitude and Fulfilled Sense of Purpose or with Resentment that I exist in environments of disrespect that seek to take advantage of all that I contribute.
What it means to live Spiritually is to not participate in struggle. It means that the events that happen in this moment belong to this moment. They don’t belong to you. They have nothing to do with you. You must stop defining yourself in relation to them and just let them come and go.
At the water’s edge, I sit humbled with the knowing that ‘it isn’t about me’ at all. That all I’m trying so hard to nurture and protect requires nothing more than the freedom to fully experience the moment as it’s unfolding; each and every moment as it unfolds.
And in my minds eye, I see myself gently uprooting Resentment from within. I kindly shake off the grime that stuck to it over many decades – and I bless its release, giving thanks for the lessons it tried so hard to teach me.
Lessons I have no doubt I’ll have the benefit of putting into practice, Time After Time …