For decades I feel I have lived my life in parts.
The ‘me at work’ doing my best to provide a service equal to or better than the compensation for which I am paid.
The ‘me at home’ trying to create and maintain an environment conducive to the nurture and support of all who live there.
The ‘me with friends’ – I actually had to abandon her over the years as I was struggling to find the energy to keep up with all I felt needed my mindfulness and attention; I’m grateful for technology that allows me a semblance of connection as I rarely, if ever, go anywhere with others.
And then, there’s ‘me’ – just me; simple yet neglected to a degree – I’ve spent significant time lately getting to know her and respecting her need for space in my life.
I’m in a place now where I desire a beautiful flow with less channels.
I’m ready to live with my heart more open, to risk being vulnerable more often, and to know that it is okay to move forward even when I can’t see where the stream is taking me.
I am now accepting that who I am may not be liked, appreciated or understood by everybody, and I will survive this. To be fair, I don’t always like, appreciate or understand everyone I meet either; though I’d like to.
There will be times where I am exactly what’s needed, and there will be times where, even with all I have to offer from the depths of my heart and best Self, I will not be what is required or desired by those to whom I’m investing the time and energy.
I am getting better at changing, when changing is the best thing to do. And I’m learning that I am able to influence change, especially when I am a part of what is changing, with honesty, consistency, compassion and love.
This comes easy to some people; they, more than me, have a developed sense of Self with a belief that they deserve what they need and want and that they are entitled to ask for, and expect, it.
In my fragmented approach to living my life – I have managed to define what matters to me and I am starting to determine what I will keep and what I will release.
I am now bringing my many channels of flow into one sometimes swirling, sometimes frothy, sometimes rippling, sometimes crashing stream.
And through the all of it, I will continue my new practice of finding the still centre at the heart of everything, cultivating a deep peacefulness in my soul and to be able, at will, to tap into tranquility in the midst of turmoil.
At the Water’s Edge,
What I practice, I become
Changes call to me.
I am one …