Day by day by day by day …

Sometimes truths and perceived realities don’t align. Sometimes your best efforts aren’t appreciated, valued or even noticed by others. And sometimes, the truths and best efforts of others are not appreciated, valued or even noticed by you.

Sometimes we’re the flowers, sometimes we’re the weeds. At the end of the day, we’re all in this Garden together ~ and a great tactic for continued momentum is to take things Day By Day.

Welcome to my garden

I have two gardens: one in the front of the house, visible to all who pass the house – and one that runs along the side of the house, visible only to those who pass through the wooden gate on their way to the back yard.

The front garden holds an interesting history for me ~ and is ultimately the point of this story.

Once upon a time, I invested weeks, days and hours pouring over gardening magazines, walking the neighbourhood, clarifying for myself how I might make the front garden a reflection of the person who lives in the home behind it.

I was consistently drawn to Wild Flowers ~ I loved everything about Wild Gardens. I researched well, seeking out perennials that would bloom at varying times throughout the Summer – providing beauty and movement all season long.

I measured, drafted diagrams, carefully labelled what was being planted where for future reference, watered, nurtured, weeded and loved the wonder that presented itself to me over the course of the Summer/Fall season.

I was so proud of myself for creating in reality a beautiful reflection of how I felt inside.

Fast forward to next Spring. I look out the front window after working 8 hours on an Executive Speech and Slide Presentation for a client – seeking reward in the beauty of the garden that is starting to emerge.

But my garden is no more. It’s been dug up, mulched and removed. And standing in the midst of it, feeling very proud of his day’s efforts, stands my husband, wondering why I’m now in front of him with a mingled look of horror and devastation on my face.

I just know what I know and I know it day by day by day by day

Me: What have you done? What. Have. You. Done???

Him: I cleaned up the garden for you so you can plant something that will make it look good this year.

Me: What? Make it look good this year? Those were perennials – they grow every year. I worked so hard. I loved what I created. How could you do this?

Him: You did that on purpose? I thought you’d be grateful for this. Do you know how long it took me to clear? Now the tumbleweed is gone (note: he’s referring to the beautiful bush of Baby’s Breath that anchored the garden near the sidewalk), the weeds are gone (note: he’s referring to all the flowers that were not scheduled to bloom until June, July or August), and the chaos is gone (note: he’s referring to the wonderful, carefree blending of sizes, colours and shapes that lit up the yard).

Me: Have you any idea how hard I worked on this? How much time went into the planning, purchase and planting of each plant? I can’t believe you would do this.

Him: If you spent more than 10 minutes on all that you wasted your time. It was ugly – this year, I’ll help you create a nice garden.

Day by day, I’m feeling stronger

I’ll cut to the chase now, because the conversation degenerated from that point onward. Feelings were hurt, neither of us was willing to see this situation through the eyes of the other – and in so doing, we’d created fertile ground for one of two things: marital breakdown or strengthened relations. (Spoiler Alert – we always cultivate strengthened relations, though I did briefly envision myself smashing him with the shovel.)

Upon reflection – I was able to see that I had created a garden that reflected me. I had designed beauty for others to appreciate that mirrored one person who lived in the home behind it. And I had assumed that in-so-doing, I’d be reflecting the inner self of the other person who lived there too. And clearly, it did not.

I learned a few critical lessons from this Garden Episode that I’ve transplanted to other aspects of my life – with fruitful results.

Lesson #1: It’s always important to remember that you cannot operate solely from within the parameters of your own thinking, feeling and perspective when you are not the only person involved in the situation, circumstance or event.

Lesson #2: It is dangerous to assume that you are on the same page as another based solely on the strength of your passion and inner conviction that you’re doing the right thing.

Lesson #3: Getting behind the eyes of others involved BEFORE investments of time, energy and effort are deployed may take a little longer ~ but it ultimately increases efficiency in the end.

Lesson #4: Compromise and collaboration does not necessarily mean giving up who you are, what you believe and where you stand. Sometimes, making space for others on the team can lead to outcomes you could never have imagined all on your own.

Day by day, you help me make it day by day by day by day by

I did not have the heart to plant anything in the front garden that year.

In subsequent years, I planted a garden that met my husband’s vision so that it would survive the Summer/Fall without fear of mulched destruction.

Slowly, over time, I started to add little aspects of my Self back in.

The front garden today truly reflects the two adults who live in the home behind it. It is a beautiful blend of colourful, fast-blooming Annuals, breath-taking Perennials, and this year for the first time ~ Herbs.

It is a testament to the wonder that can take place when individuals are willing to hold loosely to the reigns of what they feel attached to in the interest of a grander vision or end goal.

This post was inspired by …

Many thanks to Frank Dickinson and Tanveer Naseer for allowing me to contribute to what turned into a Gardening Trilogy.

Frank launched the process with Things I’ve Learned While Cutting The Grass, likening this weekly ritual to business principles.

Tanveer contributed with How To Help Struggling Employees Find Their Space, likening this organizational issue to tending a Rose Garden.

And me being me, I’ve shared a lesson triggered from the space of my own Front Garden in the arena of Releasing Control When Team Effort Is Required.

Day by day you help me make my way

Do you have a gardening experience that mirrors or symbolizes a valuable lesson that has made your life better or easier in the long run? Please share it if you do!

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