“At this time tomorrow,” I thought as I looked at my digital clock through bleary eyes at 2:29am, “I’ll have only four more hours to sleep.”
“At this time tomorrow,” I thought again at 8:12am as I started to get up, “I’ll hopefully be pulling into the parking lot and taking a deep breath before entering the building for the first time as someone who Works There.”
“At this time tomorrow,” I noted as I walked down the stairs to attend to the laundry, “I’ll know if my feet are going to be With Me or Without Me on this new quest – accepting the wearing of shoes on a daily basis, and the discomforts they may bring, or rebelling outright and creating pain.”
It’s so easy to do this, isn’t it? Slipping out of Time that exists into Time that does not – and dwelling there.
At some point tomorrow – someone may ask me, “So – how did you spend your last day of unemployment?” And I’ll have to reply, “Why, I spent it right here, in Today. Except that the Today of Yesterday that was inside my head didn’t really look or roll out as the actual Today of Today. And what seems to have happened instead, is that I got lost in Time, missed Yesterday altogether and am also missing parts of Today because I keep measuring Today’s Today against the imaginary Yesterday Today and wondering why they’re so different.”
How CRAZY is that? Missing what’s happening RIGHT BEFORE OUR EYES because we’re seeing what’s not there in times that have either past and gone, or have yet to materialize? Holy Insanity Batman!!
There is a sadness wrapped around time spent mulling over what didn’t happen in times past, or what happened differently than we desired or anticipated. Sadness. It’s over. It’s done. In reality, it no longer exists – ghosts. Why spend time with ghosts?
Similarly, time spent engaged in what Might Be, but is Not Yet There, takes you out of Now and puts you smack into Nowhere. Nowhere vs Now Here. Oh, the things you miss when you are Nowhere.
Not that there’s anything wrong with planning and preparation – it just shouldn’t become a full-time venture that keeps your eyes and senses focused on something that may or may not turn out as your planning anticipates it to. Or all the contingencies you may invest time in creating ‘just in case’.
I may be a little eccentric with tendencies toward being weird – however, I try not to behave in ways that indicate craziness and insanity. So from this point forward, I will know EXACTLY what’s going on in my life Today, so that At This Time Tomorrow – I’ll be able to recall, vividly, what I did in each moment, if asked.
I’ll remember walking up to the kitchen from my home office and admiring the sun’s slanting beauty on the clean dishes in the drainer from last night. I’ll remember running upstairs quickly to retrieve hair conditioner for the daughter who stepped into the shower without first checking if everything was there and ready for her use. I’ll remember pouring my coffee into the china teacup that will now go unused until next Saturday.
And I’ll remain open to whatever Today, THIS day, presents without taking myself out of Now and into a Tomorrow that may or may not actually materialize as I imagine myself to experience it.
Though I can’t help but believe my feet are going to have a real issue with wearing shoes every day. We’ll see, I guess …