Today I’m sharing the 2nd item I’m placing on my Honouring of Self Alter. Yesterday, my item was tea – and I figuratively placed my favourite mug there. This process was inspired by Jeanne Hewell-Chambers’ 365 Alters initiative. You can read about both here.

This morning as I went about my quiet house where my daughters and dog were still sleeping and my husband was getting ready to go to work ~ a song started to play in my head.

This happens to me often – and I’ve learned, over time, that this is Intuition talking, a Clairaudience of sorts. I don’t hear voices in my head (not real ones, anyway) or specific directives channeled from other realms ~ but songs will suddenly start to play, and if I listen in as they do so – I’ll note that the lyrics hold information about something I’ve been thinking about; something that’s been challenging me and in search of a new perspective or thought map.

I have always been capable …

For the past while, I’ve been struggling with Next. What to do next, how to apply my skills next, how I’ll employ and invest my time next – that kind of thing. My daughters are both teenagers and do not require the same kind of full-time Mom I’ve dedicated the last 16+ years of my life being. They will also be heading out into their own pursuits and life development sooner than later ~ and it’s time to create a new meaningful and significant way to engage myself into the future.

I have NEVER had a problem accomplishing anything I’ve set my mind to. I’ve always worked hard, I’ve always used my Intellect and Creativity to prepare for the myriad of wonderful opportunities that always presented when I was ready to meet them. None of this is happening now. In so many ways, I seem at a complete loss as to how to proceed from here ~ and it is not rooting from a lack of desire; this is something I really want to do.

I only blinked my eyes …

So this morning, as I opened the blinds to allow the light that would emerge in time to enter the house through the windows, I suddenly heard David Cassidy and the Partridge Family singing Only A Moment Ago.

I only blinked my eye…and now the world that I used to know
Is changin’ on me…why can’t it be
Only a moment ago?

And as I listened to this song that only I could hear ~ I knew that my struggle is flowing from the fact that while I was busy raising children, volunteering on various committees, helping out in classrooms, honing skills in Education Advocacy, cheering at soccer games and being the space for my daughters to emerge into themselves … the world changed. And I changed. And while my Spatial Intelligence capacities are weak at best – I’m smart enough to know that right now, the two don’t quite fit together (Me and the World).

My degree is old, my certifications are dated, technology is fast outpacing my ability to keep up with it all (though I do try), thousands are out of work also trying to ‘fit’ again – I’m a valued and worthy resource not quite sure where to go to be effectively tapped and utilized.

Hey, Mister Dream-Come-True, why did you go and walk out the door
It all went so fast…why couldn’t it last
Only a moment more?

The glory of my Professional Life before children is now a memory at best. The skills within me are still there and viable ~ but the value in the eyes of employers is seriously diminished. The qualities, wisdom, work ethic and life experience I’ve gained since leaving the work force are assets worth paying for … but they’re also aspects that become appreciated after the ‘bright shiny something’ has gotten you in the door, through the interviews and at the point of an offer.

All of this is neither good nor bad – it simply is what it is. What I do with this, how I meet this and where I go from here is all completely in my control. And I’ll figure it out. As I noted in yesterday’s post, I’m resilient and resourceful. What I’ve been lacking and need to work on is my confidence.

Today, I place upon my Alter – the first record album I ever purchased with my own, earned, money. This was an exciting moment for me – working to earn that money (I was 8 years old), being taken to the store where records were sold, finding and then holding the album, taking it to the cashier and paying for it, with my own money, and then taking it home and playing it, over and over and over again, for a decade at least!

Ba, Ba Ba Ba, Ba Ba, Ba Ba Ba Ba – Ba Ba Ba Ba Baaaaa (Do you know what song I’m thinking of? This song got the most play when I first brought the album home. “I’m sleeping, and right in the middle of a good dream, when all at once I wake up, from something that’s been knocking in my brain …)

This album represents to me the fact that I can do anything. I am capable, still. I am able to earn my own money and I’m deserving of feeling impressed and thrilled about that.

Yes, the world has changed – yes, I have changed ~ these are hurdles, not stop signs. Unless, I choose to stop. I do keep stopping ~ I need instead to take running leaps.

The music hasn’t stopped, I must not stop either. And one day I’ll look back ~ completely enthralled and grateful for all I’m immersed in, the Next that I created, and I’ll be grateful that this morning I heard the wisdom in Only A Moment Ago …

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